If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
