I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
