you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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