Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
