New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
