Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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