I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I need a beard to bite.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
