There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
