what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
