its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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