you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
