I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
