I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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