I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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