Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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