Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
