well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
