Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
