it hurts more in the daytime
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
