yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
