ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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