This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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