I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
