If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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