Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
