I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
