Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
