I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't deserve a penis
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
