i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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