Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
