Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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