I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
