3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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