I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
