youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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