i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
