My liver just broke up with me...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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