I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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