Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
