My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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