After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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