I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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