he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
