totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I think my moral compass just broke
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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