She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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