my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
