so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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