remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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