I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
