sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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