A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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