you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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