No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
